ok....it has been some time....The second day of school, I was attempted to be laid off. I was them transferred from Willow...made to interview at Kenneth Clement and take the k job over junior high. Adjustment has been hard. The kids had 4 teachers. the kids are awful at best. Tomorrow we are going on a field trip. I really don't know how I am going to do this. I am watching freedom writers at the moment for motivation. I see so much truth in this. I maybe don't know nothing.....nothing....nothing.....I see all this...and think, especially about the white...it is all about color....wanting what people deserve and how people are so distrusting....because they can...because they are white. This is why they hate on site. I don't see myself as a babysitter...but it is so darn hard to face the amount of distrust that happens in our system. I refuse to die without respect.
What will I leave behind? Maybe there is one truth when I was told that black teachers should teacher black kids....and how white teachers should stay away...Why God....why did you put me in Cleveland? l am tempting the very essence of my abilities. this is an innovative school. This is suppose to be in a climate that raises above. I want to teach them discipline...but how?
These are only kinders. I will not take 5 on this trip tomorrow. Maybe I have been mean and nasty. The move has been too hard. The teachers too nasty. They think I am some kind of racist.....survival is all important. I look at the freedom writers...she just put all these feelings together....so damm true. It just makes me so overwhelmed. Tomorrow is the beginning of a long week...and again I hate to feel like a failure....because I'm white? or because I don't understand the culture. I need to make some kind of sturucture...fast. I worked all yesterday....how much do I need to do....how much do I give...I give my life....
Maybe this is a rough area of town....just so much distrust....how do I find it....a white women...
